All going according to plan: Jennifer Aniston, Beyoncé and Jay Z. Photograph: WireImage/Rex/Brian Finke/Guardian montage
Jennifer Aniston’s revelation that she ‘stays in shape’ by scoffing five times daily is only matched by Beyoncé and Jay Z’s groundbreaking 22-day stint as vegans, now immortalised as a book.
Fame is built from many mystical equations, but this is the most curious paradox of all: the more of you there is in the news, the less of you there must be in your dress. It is a rare that a week goes by without a celebrity being asked how they got so big while making sure their body remained so small.
And so it is that more news of Jennifer Aniston’s diet plan has been leaked to the hungry world. Hungrier than her, it would seem, as it transpires that she “stays in shape” by “eating five meals a day”. First, we must ask the question on everybody’s lips: which shape? (A rhombus? A dodecahedron? Surely not a degenerate tessellation of a Euclidean 3-space?) And then we must emit a weary sigh that we at Lost in Showbiz do not share this metabolic rhythm.
It is peculiar, but on the days that we eat five meals a day, we do not grow slim and toned with the nonchalant beauty of a Hollywood goddess who appears permanently en route between a coffee shop and a yoga class, on foot. When we eat five meals a day, we take on the air of someone permanently en route between a public house and a branch of Greggs, in a minicab.
Still, it might all be bunkum anyway; the last time a story about Ms Aniston’s eating habits did the rounds – saying that she stayed slim by eating baby food purees – she gave a public statement to clarify whether there was any truth in the matter. “I’ve been on solids for about 40 years now,” she said.
Meanwhile, Beyoncé has written the introduction to a new book about veganism, and the benefits of eating a plant-based diet. What’s that you say, Beyoncé hails from Texas, a part of the world famed for its deep-fried animal eating competitions, and where they would barbecue your car if they could get it under the grill? Well, yes, but shush, that’s all in the past. She now lives in New York, where she and her husband Jay Z have embraced veganism. Yes, him too. Well, for an entire 22 days, they did.
A bit like those devoted people who ask you to sponsor them not to drink booze for the whole of October, apart from that difficult end bit of the month, and Fridays. Beyoncé’s nutritionist, Marco Borges, who has written the rest of the book, The 22 Day Revolution, advised her that it takes 21 days for the body to break old habits and embrace a new one, you see. And on the 22nd, you become qualified to write a book about it.