The Japanese eat the deadly pufferfish, so what next - a skinny cyanide capp?
From poisoned brews - for the thrill of it - to Fifty Shades of Earl Grey, we look at some themed cafes that would be best avoided.
We've had cereal cafes, cat cafes and owl cafes. More dubiously, around the world there have been cafes themed around hospitals, sweatshops and even the Third Reich. And now a pop-up Porridge Cafe opens in Shoreditch, east London on 2 March, offering 11 different porridge grains in various sweet and savoury recipes. Is Peak Cafe finally approaching? If you're a young entrepreneur with a wad of cash burning a hole in the pocket of your designer jeans, and you're thinking of investing in a new cafe themed around a wacky idea, here are some themes to stay well away from.
The Salmonella Cafe
In Japan, fugu (pufferfish) is considered a delicacy, and part of the appeal is the thrill that eating it may kill you. In the Salmonella Cafe, baristas would insert a gastrointestinal ailment into their products once a month to keep you on your toes. The pleasure of not having food poisoning on the other days would, presumably, give your coffee an extra kick of adrenaline.
The Argument Clinic Cafe
Guests would fill in a detailed questionnaire on entry, then be paired with someone they vehemently disagree with about something involving politics, religion or culture. The coffee would be bitter and black, but you would be too busy shouting "No, I don't think Birdman should win Best Picture", or "Actually I think Labour's election campaign has been a disaster" at your opponent to notice.
'Totally random' Cafe
Coffee - with a side of Skittles and mayonnaise? Now that is totally random, mate. So surreal. Disaffected teenagers and early 20-somethings suffering from a lack of personality would be endlessly amused by this ker-azy cafe, which would surprise its guests with constantly evolving decor ("glitter and zombies day!") and drinks ("Marmite and anchovy flat white!"). In the back, an unpaid intern would be coming up with the new concepts using automatic randomising software.
Fifty Shades of Earl Grey Cafe
Guests would be asked at the door to identify as either "dominant" or "submissive", then engage in lengthy and tedious contract negotiations about what exactly they want in their hot beverage. There would be no music, just an audio recording of author EL James reading out loud from the book. Napkins, coasters and mugs would be embellished with the phrase "nourish your inner goddess", and guests would be handed whips to flagellate themselves with.
The Boris Cafe
In this nightmarish future dystopia, Brand Boris would continue to extend, Big Brother-like, beyond Boris Bikes and ziplines into your everyday routine. His face would leer out at you from the bottom of each mug; biscuits would be Boris-shaped, and guests would have to don a Boris wig for the duration of their stay. Baristas would be invisible behind their Boris masks and communicate solely through a set list of responses, pre-recorded in Boris's voice.
